A-Z of British Etiquette
These are compulsory. Fail to send one and accept a social future of second or third-rate parties with hosts that don’t really care about the finer details of hospitality or entertaining. Without fail, they must be signed, sealed and set to be delivered within a few days of receiving the hospitality.
A thank you letter means just that. A thank you text, whilst better than nothing, is not the same thing. The guest has probably written it whilst sitting on the loo, picking their nose, and so it doesn’t carry the same cache as a proper letter through the post. No one will think badly of you for sending a proper letter, it will only play in your favour.
The rule is one side of correspondence paper (roughly A5 size, but can vary) for a meal or party, two sheets (don’t double side – very cheap – use two separate pages) if you have stayed overnight or over a period of nights.
Traditionally, you write to the hostess, but mention the host’s name in the letter. It is no great sin to address the letter to both, however.
Guests should not expect a thank you letter back from their hosts to thank them for the hostess gift.
As a side note, in Nigeria, hosts are expected to write to the guests to thank them for attending their party. Thankfully, this has not caught on over here.
William Hanson is the Etiquette and Protocol Consultant for The English Manner. He works with VIP households, diplomats, businessmen, schools and colleges and has advised multinational brands. He is regularly asked by global media to comment on modern manners and social mores.
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