Despite what you see in the movies, there’s no such thing as the ‘perfect person’. Shedding unhealthy expectations is the first step to gaining a happy and fulfilling relationship, so be open with people with whom you are compatible and share chemistry, and who in fact may be perfect for you, says Susie Ambrose
E is for expectations
Our relationships form such a large and important part of our lives that we are bound to dream about what they should be like. It’s natural for everybody to have ideas or expectations about their ‘ideal’ or ‘perfect’ partner and how they envisage their perfect relationship. Some of us may have one particular expectation that relates to who we desire to see ourselves with (‘he must look like George Clooney’ or ‘he must be more successful than me’), but this minimises the pool of potential matches to such an extent that you are likely either to wait a very long time or never find that special someone. You need to be open to meeting real people with quirks and flaws like we all have, rather than focusing on daydreams of the perfect person. Don’t be too rigid because it’s not possible to predict who you’ll have chemistry with.
When our rules and expectations are grounded in fantasy rather than reality, they can be extremely damaging, and when these ideas become fixed we’re automatically slamming the door in the face of many wonderful people and experiences. It’s not only expectations about physical appearance that can damage your chances, but a multitude of expectations that culminate in a lengthy checklist of ‘essentials’ that the perfect partner must have. However it’s important to realise which must-haves are essential for a long-term relationship – respect and trust – and those which need to be flexible – being funny and dressing a certain way.
Understanding the limitations of lust will give you a more realistic view of what genuine love consists of
Expecting your partner to be perfect all the time is a recipe for disaster and will hinder the relationship before it has begun. Envision your ‘perfect partner’ as someone who is truly compatible with you if you want a fulfilling, long-term relationship. Chemistry is important too, but it can be a trickster! It’s important to separate chemistry from compatibility and check that you have enough of both, because understanding the limitations of lust will give you a more realistic view of what genuine love consists of.
Letting go of the ‘Prince/Prince Charming syndrome’ is important. We’re conditioned to believe that we need to find one ‘perfect’ person who’ll meet all of our expectations and needs for the rest of our lives. The problem that many have when it comes to meeting suitable partners is that they confuse ‘perfect for them’ with ‘perfect’. There is no such thing as the perfect person and expecting partners to be perfect will only result in disappointment. You need to be open with people whom you are compatible and share chemistry, people who are perfect for you.
The right partner will be able to provide you with the love and support you need for a healthy and happy life together. Being content in yourself is the key to having realistic expectations of your partner: when you’re happy in yourself you’re in a better position to think about what your partner can expect from you.
For more information, visit Seventy Thirty
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